a vestige of thought...
Monday, May 29, 2006
I didn't understand then. I was only four years old. I stood in the road with my mother, who held baby Davy in her arms, and together we waved goodbye to Daddy as he drove away.
"Where is he going?" I asked Mama.
"He has to go do his job," she replied, tears in her eyes.
Every day I would ask when Daddy was coming home. Mama would answer, "Soon, honey. Real soon."
I waited two years for my daddy to come back. One day a strange man came to the door to talk to Mamma. They spoke in hushed tones for a moment, and then the man left. Mamma stood in the doorway for a long time. I stood with Davy and waited for her to say something. When she turned around, I could see tears running down her cheeks.
"Mama...?" I began. She came to us and held us close.
"Daddy's not comin' home," she whispered.
Now, twenty years later, I stand in front of The Wall with my two-year-old daughter Katie in my arms. She is fascinated by her reflection in the shiny black granite and fusses for me to put her down. I am not paying attention. I have found the right place on The Wall. I run my hand down the cool stone, searching. Then I stop. I brush my fingers across the letters and then take Katie's small hand in my own.
"Walter T. Sheldon," I whisper. "That's Daddy, Kate."
"Daddy?" she stops wiggling long enough to look around for her father.
"Not your daddy," I smile slightly and brush a stray curl out of her face. "My daddy, your grandpa."
"G'pa!" Katie squeals.
I stand still for a long time, looking at the names around Dad's. Maybe these were his friends. They might have been with him when he died. Soon a soft summer rain begins falling. I watch the letters face away and blend into the surrounding stone as they get wet. I know I should go inside soon. Katie begins to fuss louder. She doesn't like the rain. Before I leave I touch Daddy's name one more time.
"I wish you could see me Dad. You would be so proud of me. Davy too. He's getting married next month. He wishes you could be there. So do I..." I want to stay, but now I'm soaked to the bone and my husband Teddy is coming toward me. Katie reaches for him, and he takes her in one arm, putting the other around my shoulders. With one last glance at the wall, I turn and walk away.
"What do you think?" Teddy asks of the new Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
"It's beautiful," I reply. "Just beautiful."
Saturday, May 27, 2006
It is said that silence is golden, but I disagree. I think silence is green, or maybe blue: the colors of nature. God gave His creation the most beautiful silence. In this silence, I become more aware of myself. When my ears aren't strained, my other senses come alive, and my imagination is free to fill in the right music. My eyes see the cerulean sky dusted with cirrus clouds and in my mind a simple violin melody begins. Looking at the still water of a lake, I hear a harp. The smell of wildflowers and freshly cut grass brings to mind a happy piano tune, and the feel of the wind in my hair is my Shepherd's gentle love song. As the setting sun spills watercolors across the heavens, I can hear 'Taps' as clearly as though the trumpeter were standing next to me.
Maybe silence isn't any color after all. Maybe it is like pure light: at first glance it is blank and clear, but if looked at the right way, the entire spectrum is revealed.
Little hands, little feet
Should be running and
Small mouth, small voice
Should be laughing and
But the life that
should have belonged
to this little boy
From where it should be
Little hands, little feet
Tiny voice, soft heartbeat
Fading away from the life on this side.
But on the other side
There is Someone
To wipe away
To take away every
Where little hands and
That now rest
cold and white
Under just as pale
Can laugh and play
And jump and leap
And that little
voice can laugh
And is laughter
can be heard from
It rings in the hearts
of those who
And the hearts of
those who don't
But who care anyway.
Heal this little boy
Give him back
his childish laughter
Or take him to a
place where there
is no pain
And let us know
that he is there.
My spacing on this probably won't work and it will end up in a jumble that I did not intend. Oh well.
What are Words?
What are words?
Words are a step-stool.
They help me stretch
higher, but not quite
high enough to reach
the cookie jar.
What are words?
Words are jars of paint
That you have to
mix to get the color
you want, but that
color is never quite
what you imagine.
What are words?
Words are rose
petals. Put together
the right way,
they make beautiful
flowers, but flowers
always wilt. None
stay in bloom forever.
What are words?
Spring Cleaning and its results
Thursday, May 25, 2006
FHS Orchestra... is over
After the concert we had to turn in our uniforms. Mine is skirt number 0, and I've had it all four years of high school.
Me (to Mrs. Dennis, who knew I was homeschooled): I'm rather attached to my skirt. What are they going to do if I don't give it back, withhold my diploma?
Other orchestra mom (very seriously): Yes!
Mrs. Dennis: Christy, I think we're going to retire this skirt like they retire sports jerseys.
Me: In that case, can I just keep it?
Mrs. Dennis: Nope, but you'll have to come back to see it hanging in the PAC.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
It could be a long summer...
Monday, May 22, 2006
Ten-ish (non-academic) Things I Learned in High School:
2. It is nearly as easy to get five people together at the same time with no conflicts as it is to land on Mars.
3. How to do CPR
4. How to get along with people I don't like.
5. How to smile when I don't mean it
6. Death is cause for sadness, but not despair.
7. The farther you step into the 'real' world, the bigger it gets.
8. Boys aren't so scary after all. In fact, they're pretty cool.
9. People get bored with you if you don't change your buddy info now and then
10. It's better to laugh than to be profound.
11. God won't bring you to the next step until you're ready for it. Thank goodness.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Announcing the Graduated Class of 2006!
Friday, May 19, 2006
CBC= Creative Biblecollege Crap...?
We just received your interest card. I am glad you are considering CBC as your College of Choice. In a few days, you will be receiving a letter from me. In the mean time, you can visit us on the Web at www.biblecollege.edu.
Director of Admissions
I don't recall ever sending an interest card. In fact, I am quite sure I did not. Also, I find it amusing that College of Choice is capitalized. I completely ignored this email, so I never found out which CBC it was from. I believe I assumed it was Cincinnati Bible College, even though they are now CCU.
A later email:
Hey! It was great talking to you. I was just checking in to see if you thought of any more questions about CBC. If you do have questions then just e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or call me at 1 (800) 701-0222. Also, if you haven't yet, be sure to check out our website at www.biblecollege.edu.
Have a wonderful day!
CBC Admissions Staff
P.S. If you would like to Instant Message with one of us in the admissions office, email us and we will make it happen.
First of all, just like I never sent an interest card, I never talked to a nameless Student Recruiter. Second, when this email was sent, the website didn't work. I didn't figure out which college the email was from until I googled the email address it came from.
And now they're sending me mail AFTER May 1st that assumes I'm attending their school in the fall. Wha???
Monday, May 15, 2006
Six days until I DON'T HAVE TO DREAD SATURDAY ANYMORE!
Someone please toss me a stress ball. And maybe some jelly beans.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Live according to my iPod
Where will I go today? Independence Day- Andrea Summer
How am I feeling today? The One I'm Waiting For- Relient K
Will I get far in life? The Fatal Wound- Switchfoot
How do my friends see me? A Narnia Lulliby- Cronicles of Narnia soundtrack
When will I get Married? All I Ask of You (Reprise)- Phantom of the Opera
What's my theme song? I'm Not that Girl- Wicked soundtrack
What is the story of my life? I Got the Sun in the Morning- Annie Get Your Gun soundtrack
What am I like romanticly? Love- Kenny Loggins
How can I get ahead in life? The Remedy- Jason Mraz
What is my best feature? Hobo Joe- Eric Hauck
How is today going to be? This Good Day- Fernando Ortega
What is in store for this weekend? Title and Registration- Death Cab for Cutie
What is my life like at the moment? One Day More- Les Miserables soundtrack
What song describes my secrets? Presto from "Summer"- Antonio Vivaldi, "The Four Seasons"
What is my current lover like? Mistakes We Knew We Were Making- Mae
What song will they play at my funeral? Gone- Switchfoot
How does the world see me? Down By the Salley Gardens- Joannie Madden (Irish Whistle)
Will I have a happy life? The Great Adventure- Steven Curtis Chapman
What do my friends really think of me? From Western Woods to Beaversdam- Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack
Do people secretly lust after me? Minuet in G- Beethoven
Will I accomplish my goals in life? Sing Like the Saved- David Crowder Band
Will I find true love? Christe Eleison- Michelle Tumes
How do I treat others? Pin Your Wings- Copeland
Monday, May 08, 2006
Caterpillars keep falling on my head
I has my last official day of Learning Tree today. Technically I have one more week, but in Latin we're playing bingo (Latin bingo, that is), I basically don't have to show up to Economics and Lit is only half an hour because my teacher's twin boys are graduating from kindergarten. So basically I don't have any more schoolwork (except Physics) before graduation. Hooray! I plan to spend my free time cleaning my room and reading Les Miserables, which is a most excellent book.
Have a happy day!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
~It pays more
~It has regular hours, so I don't have to keep my schedule open and take whatever hours I can get
~I get to wear real clothes, rather than a fast food uniform and ugly shoes
~I don't have to wear my hair in a ponytail the whole time
~It's closer than Kenwood, and Dad and I will be splitting the cost of gas, saving both of us money
~There is a microwave I can use to heat up my own lunch, rather than eating chicken all the time
~I get Saturdays off! I haven't truly had a Saturday off since I was a sophomore
~My risk of burns and other injuries is dramatically reduced. In my two years at Chick-Fil-A I've burned myself badly twice and cut myself many times. Just this morning I cut my hand while chopping cabbage.
~I will hopefully never have to look at cold slaw again
~I won't have to stand for 8 hours a day
~Much reduced heavy lifting and ladder climbing
~No peanut oil!
~No strange grease film all over everything!
~I won't come home smelly every day
~No walk in freezer! I have a small fear of getting stuck in there.
That's all that comes to mind for now. I will miss some things about Chick-Fil-A. Mostly I will miss interacting with people. I won't get to meet dozens of new people every day at Clippard. I'll miss the regular customers and am rather dreading telling a few of them that I'm leaving. I'm also hoping that this job is not excruciatingly boring. I figure the risk isn't too huge. However the job turns out, it's only for a summer. I like to hope that I could perservere through most anything that is thrown at me for that short amount of time.
My new favorite word: Diverted, meaning amused as in Pride and Prejudice. I was exceedingly diverted this evening at my sister's American Heritage Girls' court of honor when a leader praised a girl's "get-through-it-ive-ness... *pause*... er... *pause*... perserverance."