a vestige of thought...
Monday, May 29, 2006
The Wall
In honor of Memorial Day, here is a [very] short story I wrote back in my early GLO days (8th grade, I think) after seeing a show on the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial Wall. I ventured back to GLO a little while ago and discovered that it's still on the first page of the "future author's" section, which might be something of an honor. Then again, most of my comments were things like "this is not boring at all." That could be a compliment, but I'm not really sure.
I didn't understand then. I was only four years old. I stood in the road with my mother, who held baby Davy in her arms, and together we waved goodbye to Daddy as he drove away.
"Where is he going?" I asked Mama.
"He has to go do his job," she replied, tears in her eyes.
Every day I would ask when Daddy was coming home. Mama would answer, "Soon, honey. Real soon."
I waited two years for my daddy to come back. One day a strange man came to the door to talk to Mamma. They spoke in hushed tones for a moment, and then the man left. Mamma stood in the doorway for a long time. I stood with Davy and waited for her to say something. When she turned around, I could see tears running down her cheeks.
"Mama...?" I began. She came to us and held us close.
"Daddy's not comin' home," she whispered.
Now, twenty years later, I stand in front of The Wall with my two-year-old daughter Katie in my arms. She is fascinated by her reflection in the shiny black granite and fusses for me to put her down. I am not paying attention. I have found the right place on The Wall. I run my hand down the cool stone, searching. Then I stop. I brush my fingers across the letters and then take Katie's small hand in my own.
"Walter T. Sheldon," I whisper. "That's Daddy, Kate."
"Daddy?" she stops wiggling long enough to look around for her father.
"Not your daddy," I smile slightly and brush a stray curl out of her face. "My daddy, your grandpa."
"G'pa!" Katie squeals.
I stand still for a long time, looking at the names around Dad's. Maybe these were his friends. They might have been with him when he died. Soon a soft summer rain begins falling. I watch the letters face away and blend into the surrounding stone as they get wet. I know I should go inside soon. Katie begins to fuss louder. She doesn't like the rain. Before I leave I touch Daddy's name one more time.
"I wish you could see me Dad. You would be so proud of me. Davy too. He's getting married next month. He wishes you could be there. So do I..." I want to stay, but now I'm soaked to the bone and my husband Teddy is coming toward me. Katie reaches for him, and he takes her in one arm, putting the other around my shoulders. With one last glance at the wall, I turn and walk away.
"What do you think?" Teddy asks of the new Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
"It's beautiful," I reply. "Just beautiful."
I didn't understand then. I was only four years old. I stood in the road with my mother, who held baby Davy in her arms, and together we waved goodbye to Daddy as he drove away.
"Where is he going?" I asked Mama.
"He has to go do his job," she replied, tears in her eyes.
Every day I would ask when Daddy was coming home. Mama would answer, "Soon, honey. Real soon."
I waited two years for my daddy to come back. One day a strange man came to the door to talk to Mamma. They spoke in hushed tones for a moment, and then the man left. Mamma stood in the doorway for a long time. I stood with Davy and waited for her to say something. When she turned around, I could see tears running down her cheeks.
"Mama...?" I began. She came to us and held us close.
"Daddy's not comin' home," she whispered.
Now, twenty years later, I stand in front of The Wall with my two-year-old daughter Katie in my arms. She is fascinated by her reflection in the shiny black granite and fusses for me to put her down. I am not paying attention. I have found the right place on The Wall. I run my hand down the cool stone, searching. Then I stop. I brush my fingers across the letters and then take Katie's small hand in my own.
"Walter T. Sheldon," I whisper. "That's Daddy, Kate."
"Daddy?" she stops wiggling long enough to look around for her father.
"Not your daddy," I smile slightly and brush a stray curl out of her face. "My daddy, your grandpa."
"G'pa!" Katie squeals.
I stand still for a long time, looking at the names around Dad's. Maybe these were his friends. They might have been with him when he died. Soon a soft summer rain begins falling. I watch the letters face away and blend into the surrounding stone as they get wet. I know I should go inside soon. Katie begins to fuss louder. She doesn't like the rain. Before I leave I touch Daddy's name one more time.
"I wish you could see me Dad. You would be so proud of me. Davy too. He's getting married next month. He wishes you could be there. So do I..." I want to stay, but now I'm soaked to the bone and my husband Teddy is coming toward me. Katie reaches for him, and he takes her in one arm, putting the other around my shoulders. With one last glance at the wall, I turn and walk away.
"What do you think?" Teddy asks of the new Vietnam Veterans Memorial.
"It's beautiful," I reply. "Just beautiful."
Saturday, May 27, 2006
On Silence
I wrote this sometime at WBLT co-op in 8th grade when I wasn't paying attention (which was fairly often). My drama/biology notebook was filled with random writings like this.
It is said that silence is golden, but I disagree. I think silence is green, or maybe blue: the colors of nature. God gave His creation the most beautiful silence. In this silence, I become more aware of myself. When my ears aren't strained, my other senses come alive, and my imagination is free to fill in the right music. My eyes see the cerulean sky dusted with cirrus clouds and in my mind a simple violin melody begins. Looking at the still water of a lake, I hear a harp. The smell of wildflowers and freshly cut grass brings to mind a happy piano tune, and the feel of the wind in my hair is my Shepherd's gentle love song. As the setting sun spills watercolors across the heavens, I can hear 'Taps' as clearly as though the trumpeter were standing next to me.
Maybe silence isn't any color after all. Maybe it is like pure light: at first glance it is blank and clear, but if looked at the right way, the entire spectrum is revealed.
It is said that silence is golden, but I disagree. I think silence is green, or maybe blue: the colors of nature. God gave His creation the most beautiful silence. In this silence, I become more aware of myself. When my ears aren't strained, my other senses come alive, and my imagination is free to fill in the right music. My eyes see the cerulean sky dusted with cirrus clouds and in my mind a simple violin melody begins. Looking at the still water of a lake, I hear a harp. The smell of wildflowers and freshly cut grass brings to mind a happy piano tune, and the feel of the wind in my hair is my Shepherd's gentle love song. As the setting sun spills watercolors across the heavens, I can hear 'Taps' as clearly as though the trumpeter were standing next to me.
Maybe silence isn't any color after all. Maybe it is like pure light: at first glance it is blank and clear, but if looked at the right way, the entire spectrum is revealed.
A Prayer
I wrote this after I heard that the foster child (or maybe he was adopted by then?) of a family that I didn't even know was dying. I had never met the boy or his family, but knew of them through mutual friends. It was several years ago, but I don't remember exactly when.
Little hands, little feet
Should be running and
grasping.
Small mouth, small voice
Should be laughing and
talking
But the life that
should have belonged
to this little boy
Is fading
and f
a
l
l
i
n
g
away
From where it should be
Little hands, little feet
Tiny voice, soft heartbeat
Fading away from the life on this side.
But on the other side
There is Someone
To wipe away
every tear
To take away every
hurt
Where little hands and
little feet
That now rest
cold and white
Under just as pale
sheets
Can laugh and play
And jump and leap
And that little
voice can laugh
And is laughter
can be heard from
the earth.
It rings in the hearts
of those who
love him
And the hearts of
those who don't
know him
But who care anyway.
So Lord,
Heal this little boy
Give him back
his childish laughter
Or take him to a
place where there
is no pain
And let us know
that he is there.
My spacing on this probably won't work and it will end up in a jumble that I did not intend. Oh well.
Little hands, little feet
Should be running and
grasping.
Small mouth, small voice
Should be laughing and
talking
But the life that
should have belonged
to this little boy
Is fading
and f
a
l
l
i
n
g
away
From where it should be
Little hands, little feet
Tiny voice, soft heartbeat
Fading away from the life on this side.
But on the other side
There is Someone
To wipe away
every tear
To take away every
hurt
Where little hands and
little feet
That now rest
cold and white
Under just as pale
sheets
Can laugh and play
And jump and leap
And that little
voice can laugh
And is laughter
can be heard from
the earth.
It rings in the hearts
of those who
love him
And the hearts of
those who don't
know him
But who care anyway.
So Lord,
Heal this little boy
Give him back
his childish laughter
Or take him to a
place where there
is no pain
And let us know
that he is there.
My spacing on this probably won't work and it will end up in a jumble that I did not intend. Oh well.
What are Words?
This is from middle school some time. I don't remember writing it, but it fits with the theme of a lot of things I wrote around then. I don't think the line breaks were intentional, but I have left them as they were.
What are words?
Words are a step-stool.
They help me stretch
higher, but not quite
high enough to reach
the cookie jar.
What are words?
Words are jars of paint
That you have to
mix to get the color
you want, but that
color is never quite
what you imagine.
What are words?
Words are rose
petals. Put together
the right way,
they make beautiful
flowers, but flowers
always wilt. None
stay in bloom forever.
What are words?
What are words?
Words are a step-stool.
They help me stretch
higher, but not quite
high enough to reach
the cookie jar.
What are words?
Words are jars of paint
That you have to
mix to get the color
you want, but that
color is never quite
what you imagine.
What are words?
Words are rose
petals. Put together
the right way,
they make beautiful
flowers, but flowers
always wilt. None
stay in bloom forever.
What are words?
Spring Cleaning and its results
I started my (not so) annual room cleaning. Usually I just clear the floor and dust the bookshelves, but this year I'm making a clean sweep. I'm getting rid of all the junk that has cluttered my desk and my bookshelves and my bed and my closet and every nook and cranny of my room. In scouring my desk, I came across a stack of my writing from many years ago. A lot of it I don't even remember writing. So, for my amusement (and hopefully yours as well) several posts of my early writings shall follow.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
FHS Orchestra... is over
It's hard to believe. I've just realized that I probably saw some of those people for the last time. I believe I'm actually going to miss orchestra... a little bit. I'll miss practicing the quartet (quintet, whatever) with Paula and Monica and Sally and Joe. We had a good time goofing off (er, I mean, practicing) several times a week. You guys are all amazing and I look forward to hearing good things from you in the future!
After the concert we had to turn in our uniforms. Mine is skirt number 0, and I've had it all four years of high school.
Me (to Mrs. Dennis, who knew I was homeschooled): I'm rather attached to my skirt. What are they going to do if I don't give it back, withhold my diploma?
Other orchestra mom (very seriously): Yes!
Laughter
Mrs. Dennis: Christy, I think we're going to retire this skirt like they retire sports jerseys.
Me: In that case, can I just keep it?
Mrs. Dennis: Nope, but you'll have to come back to see it hanging in the PAC.
After the concert we had to turn in our uniforms. Mine is skirt number 0, and I've had it all four years of high school.
Me (to Mrs. Dennis, who knew I was homeschooled): I'm rather attached to my skirt. What are they going to do if I don't give it back, withhold my diploma?
Other orchestra mom (very seriously): Yes!
Laughter
Mrs. Dennis: Christy, I think we're going to retire this skirt like they retire sports jerseys.
Me: In that case, can I just keep it?
Mrs. Dennis: Nope, but you'll have to come back to see it hanging in the PAC.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
It could be a long summer...
I started at Clippard yesterday. Eight hours is a long time. Still, I could have to spend those eight hours a day in ways much less pleasant. I'm working mostly in the sales department. They have me filing things and making copies and stuffing envelopes and that sort of thing. Brainless tasks that I don't mind doing, but are quickly running out. They claim there will be plenty for me to do all summer, but I wonder if that's true. I am told they are already short-handed, and another woman is leaving on Friday to have a baby. I think it will be greatly beneficial to both me and my fellow employees if they would discover that, though I do not (yet) have a college degree, I am capable of higher level tasks than counting. I just need to be taught.
Monday, May 22, 2006
Ten-ish (non-academic) Things I Learned in High School:
1. Homeschooling is a good thing.
2. It is nearly as easy to get five people together at the same time with no conflicts as it is to land on Mars.
3. How to do CPR
4. How to get along with people I don't like.
5. How to smile when I don't mean it
6. Death is cause for sadness, but not despair.
7. The farther you step into the 'real' world, the bigger it gets.
8. Boys aren't so scary after all. In fact, they're pretty cool.
9. People get bored with you if you don't change your buddy info now and then
10. It's better to laugh than to be profound.
11. God won't bring you to the next step until you're ready for it. Thank goodness.
2. It is nearly as easy to get five people together at the same time with no conflicts as it is to land on Mars.
3. How to do CPR
4. How to get along with people I don't like.
5. How to smile when I don't mean it
6. Death is cause for sadness, but not despair.
7. The farther you step into the 'real' world, the bigger it gets.
8. Boys aren't so scary after all. In fact, they're pretty cool.
9. People get bored with you if you don't change your buddy info now and then
10. It's better to laugh than to be profound.
11. God won't bring you to the next step until you're ready for it. Thank goodness.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Announcing the Graduated Class of 2006!
There were seven people in the Learning Tree class of '06. I didn't know any of them before the beginning of this year, but I've gotten to know them a bit through classes and graduation meetings and such. It didn't occur to me until I left the graduation reception this afternoon that I'm kind of going to miss them. It's not like we're going to have a 10 year reunion or anything. We barely knew each other. Anyway, here's wishing the best of luck to (clockwise) Justin, Nick, Andy, Austin, Rachel and David.
Friday, May 19, 2006
CBC= Creative Biblecollege Crap...?
Since the passing of May 1st (i.e. the college decision deadline) the amount of mail I receive has dwindled tremendously. This is nice because now when I do get mail I can be fairly certain that it's something of importance. Yesterday, however, I received an envelope with only my address and in blue letters: "Important information reguarding your arrival this fall." There was no return address. I suspected that it was not from Asbury as they always use purple lettering, never blue. So I opened it up to find a letter from Circleville Bible College announcing that their name was changing to Ohio Christian University. I have no idea why that information is important to my arrival this fall, especially since I don't plan on arriving there at any time, nor have I ever sent them anything at all, especially not such things as a letter announcing my intent or a tuition deposit, to give this impression. They, on the other hand, have sent me more letters than any other college, including one that had a caribiner enclosed. I like the caribiner. I put it on my car keys. On the other hand, I don't appreciate the multiple emails they sent me that never actually included the name of the school. The first email went like this:
Christina
We just received your interest card. I am glad you are considering CBC as your College of Choice . In a few days, you will be receiving a letter from me. In the mean time, you can visit us on the Web at www.biblecollege.edu.
Dave McCowan
Director of Admissions
I don't recall ever sending an interest card. In fact, I am quite sure I did not. Also, I find it amusing that College of Choice is capitalized. I completely ignored this email, so I never found out which CBC it was from. I believe I assumed it was Cincinnati Bible College, even though they are now CCU.
A later email:
Hey! It was great talking to you. I was just checking in to see if you thought of any more questions about CBC. If you do have questions then just e-mail me at enroll@biblecollege.edu. Or call me at 1 (800) 701-0222. Also, if you haven't yet, be sure to check out our website at www.biblecollege.edu.
Have a wonderful day!
Student Recruiter
CBC Admissions Staff
P.S. If you would like to Instant Message with one of us in the admissions office, email us and we will make it happen.
First of all, just like I never sent an interest card, I never talked to a nameless Student Recruiter. Second, when this email was sent, the website didn't work. I didn't figure out which college the email was from until I googled the email address it came from.
And now they're sending me mail AFTER May 1st that assumes I'm attending their school in the fall. Wha???
Christina
We just received your interest card. I am glad you are considering CBC as your College of Choice . In a few days, you will be receiving a letter from me. In the mean time, you can visit us on the Web at www.biblecollege.edu.
Dave McCowan
Director of Admissions
I don't recall ever sending an interest card. In fact, I am quite sure I did not. Also, I find it amusing that College of Choice is capitalized. I completely ignored this email, so I never found out which CBC it was from. I believe I assumed it was Cincinnati Bible College, even though they are now CCU.
A later email:
Hey! It was great talking to you. I was just checking in to see if you thought of any more questions about CBC. If you do have questions then just e-mail me at enroll@biblecollege.edu. Or call me at 1 (800) 701-0222. Also, if you haven't yet, be sure to check out our website at www.biblecollege.edu.
Have a wonderful day!
Student Recruiter
CBC Admissions Staff
P.S. If you would like to Instant Message with one of us in the admissions office, email us and we will make it happen.
First of all, just like I never sent an interest card, I never talked to a nameless Student Recruiter. Second, when this email was sent, the website didn't work. I didn't figure out which college the email was from until I googled the email address it came from.
And now they're sending me mail AFTER May 1st that assumes I'm attending their school in the fall. Wha???
Monday, May 15, 2006
Five days until graduation.
Six days until I DON'T HAVE TO DREAD SATURDAY ANYMORE!
Someone please toss me a stress ball. And maybe some jelly beans.
Six days until I DON'T HAVE TO DREAD SATURDAY ANYMORE!
Someone please toss me a stress ball. And maybe some jelly beans.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Live according to my iPod
Maybe MySpace is good for a few things. I found this there, and it's pretty amusing. To complete the survey, put your iPod (or other portable music device) on shuffle and answer the questions with whatever song comes up when you press the skip button. No cheating!
Where will I go today? Independence Day- Andrea Summer
How am I feeling today? The One I'm Waiting For- Relient K
Will I get far in life? The Fatal Wound- Switchfoot
How do my friends see me? A Narnia Lulliby- Cronicles of Narnia soundtrack
When will I get Married? All I Ask of You (Reprise)- Phantom of the Opera
What's my theme song? I'm Not that Girl- Wicked soundtrack
What is the story of my life? I Got the Sun in the Morning- Annie Get Your Gun soundtrack
What am I like romanticly? Love- Kenny Loggins
How can I get ahead in life? The Remedy- Jason Mraz
What is my best feature? Hobo Joe- Eric Hauck
How is today going to be? This Good Day- Fernando Ortega
What is in store for this weekend? Title and Registration- Death Cab for Cutie
What is my life like at the moment? One Day More- Les Miserables soundtrack
What song describes my secrets? Presto from "Summer"- Antonio Vivaldi, "The Four Seasons"
What is my current lover like? Mistakes We Knew We Were Making- Mae
What song will they play at my funeral? Gone- Switchfoot
How does the world see me? Down By the Salley Gardens- Joannie Madden (Irish Whistle)
Will I have a happy life? The Great Adventure- Steven Curtis Chapman
What do my friends really think of me? From Western Woods to Beaversdam- Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack
Do people secretly lust after me? Minuet in G- Beethoven
Will I accomplish my goals in life? Sing Like the Saved- David Crowder Band
Will I find true love? Christe Eleison- Michelle Tumes
How do I treat others? Pin Your Wings- Copeland
Where will I go today? Independence Day- Andrea Summer
How am I feeling today? The One I'm Waiting For- Relient K
Will I get far in life? The Fatal Wound- Switchfoot
How do my friends see me? A Narnia Lulliby- Cronicles of Narnia soundtrack
When will I get Married? All I Ask of You (Reprise)- Phantom of the Opera
What's my theme song? I'm Not that Girl- Wicked soundtrack
What is the story of my life? I Got the Sun in the Morning- Annie Get Your Gun soundtrack
What am I like romanticly? Love- Kenny Loggins
How can I get ahead in life? The Remedy- Jason Mraz
What is my best feature? Hobo Joe- Eric Hauck
How is today going to be? This Good Day- Fernando Ortega
What is in store for this weekend? Title and Registration- Death Cab for Cutie
What is my life like at the moment? One Day More- Les Miserables soundtrack
What song describes my secrets? Presto from "Summer"- Antonio Vivaldi, "The Four Seasons"
What is my current lover like? Mistakes We Knew We Were Making- Mae
What song will they play at my funeral? Gone- Switchfoot
How does the world see me? Down By the Salley Gardens- Joannie Madden (Irish Whistle)
Will I have a happy life? The Great Adventure- Steven Curtis Chapman
What do my friends really think of me? From Western Woods to Beaversdam- Chronicles of Narnia soundtrack
Do people secretly lust after me? Minuet in G- Beethoven
Will I accomplish my goals in life? Sing Like the Saved- David Crowder Band
Will I find true love? Christe Eleison- Michelle Tumes
How do I treat others? Pin Your Wings- Copeland
Monday, May 08, 2006
Caterpillars keep falling on my head
I'm on my front porch, and the fuzzy things are everywhere. Every now and then one plops down on my lap or my head, falling from who knows where. I can't say as it's particularly pleasant.
I has my last official day of Learning Tree today. Technically I have one more week, but in Latin we're playing bingo (Latin bingo, that is), I basically don't have to show up to Economics and Lit is only half an hour because my teacher's twin boys are graduating from kindergarten. So basically I don't have any more schoolwork (except Physics) before graduation. Hooray! I plan to spend my free time cleaning my room and reading Les Miserables, which is a most excellent book.
Have a happy day!
I has my last official day of Learning Tree today. Technically I have one more week, but in Latin we're playing bingo (Latin bingo, that is), I basically don't have to show up to Economics and Lit is only half an hour because my teacher's twin boys are graduating from kindergarten. So basically I don't have any more schoolwork (except Physics) before graduation. Hooray! I plan to spend my free time cleaning my room and reading Les Miserables, which is a most excellent book.
Have a happy day!
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
'Tis Official
I have a new job. Starting May 22, I shall be working full time at Clippard (my dad's office) doing office work and such. I turned in my two week's notice at Chick-Fil-A yesterday. I am so very glad to be able to do something besides work in fast food all summer. Here are the benefits of my new job (in no particular order):
~It pays more
~It has regular hours, so I don't have to keep my schedule open and take whatever hours I can get
~I get to wear real clothes, rather than a fast food uniform and ugly shoes
~I don't have to wear my hair in a ponytail the whole time
~It's closer than Kenwood, and Dad and I will be splitting the cost of gas, saving both of us money
~There is a microwave I can use to heat up my own lunch, rather than eating chicken all the time
~I get Saturdays off! I haven't truly had a Saturday off since I was a sophomore
~My risk of burns and other injuries is dramatically reduced. In my two years at Chick-Fil-A I've burned myself badly twice and cut myself many times. Just this morning I cut my hand while chopping cabbage.
~I will hopefully never have to look at cold slaw again
~I won't have to stand for 8 hours a day
~Much reduced heavy lifting and ladder climbing
~No peanut oil!
~No strange grease film all over everything!
~I won't come home smelly every day
~No walk in freezer! I have a small fear of getting stuck in there.
That's all that comes to mind for now. I will miss some things about Chick-Fil-A. Mostly I will miss interacting with people. I won't get to meet dozens of new people every day at Clippard. I'll miss the regular customers and am rather dreading telling a few of them that I'm leaving. I'm also hoping that this job is not excruciatingly boring. I figure the risk isn't too huge. However the job turns out, it's only for a summer. I like to hope that I could perservere through most anything that is thrown at me for that short amount of time.
My new favorite word: Diverted, meaning amused as in Pride and Prejudice. I was exceedingly diverted this evening at my sister's American Heritage Girls' court of honor when a leader praised a girl's "get-through-it-ive-ness... *pause*... er... *pause*... perserverance."
~It pays more
~It has regular hours, so I don't have to keep my schedule open and take whatever hours I can get
~I get to wear real clothes, rather than a fast food uniform and ugly shoes
~I don't have to wear my hair in a ponytail the whole time
~It's closer than Kenwood, and Dad and I will be splitting the cost of gas, saving both of us money
~There is a microwave I can use to heat up my own lunch, rather than eating chicken all the time
~I get Saturdays off! I haven't truly had a Saturday off since I was a sophomore
~My risk of burns and other injuries is dramatically reduced. In my two years at Chick-Fil-A I've burned myself badly twice and cut myself many times. Just this morning I cut my hand while chopping cabbage.
~I will hopefully never have to look at cold slaw again
~I won't have to stand for 8 hours a day
~Much reduced heavy lifting and ladder climbing
~No peanut oil!
~No strange grease film all over everything!
~I won't come home smelly every day
~No walk in freezer! I have a small fear of getting stuck in there.
That's all that comes to mind for now. I will miss some things about Chick-Fil-A. Mostly I will miss interacting with people. I won't get to meet dozens of new people every day at Clippard. I'll miss the regular customers and am rather dreading telling a few of them that I'm leaving. I'm also hoping that this job is not excruciatingly boring. I figure the risk isn't too huge. However the job turns out, it's only for a summer. I like to hope that I could perservere through most anything that is thrown at me for that short amount of time.
My new favorite word: Diverted, meaning amused as in Pride and Prejudice. I was exceedingly diverted this evening at my sister's American Heritage Girls' court of honor when a leader praised a girl's "get-through-it-ive-ness... *pause*... er... *pause*... perserverance."
Monday, May 01, 2006
I had quite forgotten about this book. It was one of my favorites when I was younger. Heather, I think you named me well. ; )
