a vestige of thought...

Saturday, July 29, 2006

#18 Mr. Collins's Proposal

Mr. Collins: "I wonder if, in the course of the morning, I might have a private word with Miss Elizabeth."
Mrs. Bennet: "Why of COURSE you may! Everyone out. Now!"

Mr. Collins: "*ahem* Miss Elizabeth, I want you to know that from, uh, almost the start I picked you out as the object of my affections and my future wife.
Elizabeth: "Mr. Collins!"
Mr. Collins: "You are shocked by the violence of my affections. I understand. You need not speak."
Elizabeth: "But-"
Mr. Collins: "I have several fairly good reasons for marrying, but mostly because the esteemed Lady Catherine de Bourgh (*genuflect*) recommended that I do so. I have chosen your family because as a clergyman it is my duty to do good to others and I felt I could not be content with myself knowing that I was stealing your life out from under you when your father dies. And I chose *you* because your eldest sister was taken and your other sisters are weird. I know that we will be most happy in our life together-"
Elizabeth: "Mr. Collins! You forget I have given no answer! The answer I give is this: absolutely not. I cannot make you happy, you cannot make me happy, and together we would self-destruct!"
Mr. Collins: "Oh... I see."

Mrs. Bennet: "My dear Mr. Collins, I offer you my most sincere congratulations-"
Mr. Collins: "You are too hasty my good woman. It seems your daughter has refused me."
Mrs. Bennet: "Refused you! I don't understand! Mr. Bennet, you *must* go speak some sense into your daughter."
Mr. Bennet: "Anything you say, dear."

Mr. Bennet: "Lizzy, your mother says you must marry Mr. Collins. Isn't that right, my dear?"
Mrs. Bennet: "Yes, or I shall never see her again!"
Mr. Bennet: "My dear today you must become a stranger to one of your parents. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins... and I will never see you again if you do."
Elizabeth: "Oh thank you Papa!"
posted by Christy at 5:30 PM


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