a vestige of thought...

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Looking for Patterns in Static

This morning in orchestra Miss Johnson announced, in her serious and sometimes overdramatic way, that last night Finneytown sophomore Chevis Jackson was shot and killed at Galbraith Pointe. I'd never heard the name before and, though it was sad, the whole thing didn't mean a whole lot to me. I felt more than a little heartless sitting there in orchestra trying not to smile while everyone else was crying. I wasn't smiling because I thought it was funny, but just because that's the way I react to this sort of thing. When my parents told me that my grandpa died and I went upstairs to tell my cousin I was smiling. For some reason my first reaction to grief (in most circumstances) is a smile. It definitely doesn't mean I'm not sad.

The rest of the morning was so surreal. We got out of orchestra early and I walked with Becky to the office to sign in (she has senior leading first bell), like I do nearly every morning. Walking through the halls was incredibly unsettling. It was dead silent except for the sounds of crying. Everyone was scattered in little clusters trying to comfort each other or just sort of staring into space. The grief in the air was almost palpable and completely overpowering. No one was moving quickly, so I couldn't either, but I bit my lip until it throbbed (again, trying not to grin) and would have run out of the building if I were able.

I had always thought it kind of odd when someone, especially someone young, would die and suddenly everyone would act like their best friend had died. I think I understand that a bit more now. It's incredibly affecting when a person one has connection to dies, especially if the person is young. It's affected me and I'd never even heard the name Chevis before 7:30 this morning.

It's weird how things don't stop after things like this happen. It feels like there ought to be a world-wide hiatus or something. But there's not. I just got called to come into work early. The cycle goes on.
posted by Christy at 8:20 AM


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