a vestige of thought...
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Searching for something that resembles thought...
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.... For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out." Romans 7:15, 18
The thing is, I do understand what I do. I know exactly why I do everything. I could list every selfish motive for everything I have ever done. I just cannot stop myself from doing or thinking things. My jealous heart tears me to pieces. Those I talk to say, 'Christy you are silly, for these things are not very bad at all. You are too much of a perfectionist; a goody-good.' But my conscience, prompted (I am certain) by the Holy Spirit, tells me that they are not right. So I fight. I have learned to capture every thought, and I am trying (though often failing) to make them obedient to Christ.
"We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5
But then I look at these many people who are my friends. Especially my Christian friends. Those who are the Body of Christ. Those who should surround one another with love and build each other up, encouraging each person to be all hey can be in Christ. I love them so very dearly. Yet I see them doing things... thinking things... making choices that I do not think are beneficial. These are things that they never thought they would do and probably don't plan to do when they are out of high school and "things matter." I know their motives are selfish. I have had such thoughts and motives myself, but managed (by the grace of God) to prevent them from becoming actions. Seeing people I love making such choices frustrates me immensely! Why do I even bother to fight so hard against temptations of all sorts when no one else seems to? Does no one examine their motives and make sure they line up with what God wants? Further, am I to confront my friends about their actions? Or am I to let them face the consequences and learn in due time? I have no practical knowledge of such situations as they are in. Why should anyone listen to me?
"Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them." Ephesians 4:29
"If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18
Surely my words of confrontation would not encourage or keep peace. Yet Paul confronted the Corinthians and did not regret it:
"Even if I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it- I see now that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while- yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led you to repentance." 2 Corinthians 7:8-9
Who am I, one among the worst of sinners (though perhaps more internally than externally) to confront anyone about doing wrong? Could they not just as easily point my own finger back at me?
Finally, is it possible that what is wrong for me is not wrong for someone else?
Why do people think I am strong? I am not! I am a fool. I am weak, I am broken, I am wretched! Why do people look to me for leadership when I can scarcely find my own way? Surely it is only by the grace of God. Any strength I have is not my own.