a vestige of thought...
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Vote 'Heir' 2015
On a different note, you may have noticed that "Oatmeal for Breakfast, Part I" was never followed by "Oatmeal for Breakfast, Part II" This is because my moment of inspiration passed and I got bored with the story. Hopefully no one was too interested in it. The actual point of the story (yes, there was a point) was to discretely introduce my new word. It is the third person singular, neuter pronoun: heir. You'll notice that this word is a combination of "his" and "her" and is also "their" without the 't.' 'Heir' is to be used in circumstances such as the following:
Students at a certain school are getting tired of sharing lockers. School officials have done a horrible job assigning locker partners, and no one can get along. The student council creates a proposal that would allow each student to have their own locker. But wait! "Each" is singular and "their" is plural! This grammar is incorrect! The grammar police are already on their way! What shall we do? We could replace "their" with the grammatically correct "his," or the grammatically and politically correct "his or her." But "his" is not desirable, as it leaves out the "hers" that would like their own locker (notice that "their" is correct here, as "hers," though not really a word, is plural). "His or her" works, but creates a feeling of excessive wordiness. And so we turn to 'heir.' This word, used properly, would look like this: "The student council created a proposal that would allow each student to have heir own locker." It's that simple!
And now, I need your help. I can not alter the English language to fit my own purposes on my own. I need you to discreetly use 'heir' in your school and work papers. Sneak it in wherever you can. At first people will perhaps not notice it, or maybe they will think it simply a typing mistake. But we know better. Slowly but surely, 'heir' will creep into regular use of the English speaking population. It takes an average of 10 years to get a new word into the dictionary. Join forces with me, and by 2015 we can make the English language a little bit more logical. ;)