a vestige of thought...

I've been kind of... unsettled for the past couple of days. I believe it comes from thinking to hard and trying to hard to understand things that I just can't. I'm trying to figure out just what exactly I need to know about how God works. Is it just important to know the facts, or is it more important to know the why of the facts? What should I seek to understand and what should I just take on faith? I'm certainly better at taking things on faith. In many cases I feel that I don't really care why, but that somehow I ought to. I start to read about things, and then I start to think about them or try to write about them. Usually I end up just going crazily in circles and getting nowhere at all. And there are so many different view points that if I finally do agree with something, chances are I'm wrong.

I asked someone a question a few days ago and I got a reply that basically said, "You're just a teenager, so don't worry about stuff like that." But, I wonder, doesn't that mean I'll have to worry about it later? Why put it off? Why shouldn't I be able to understand stuff now?

I have found one thing that is particularly encouraging. I have been re-reading many of the things I wrote as a freshman. I had so many questions then that I didn't think could be answered, and yet now, only three years later, I have satisfactory answers to many of them. Maybe in another three years I'll have answers to this year's questions.

I am learning that sometimes we ask questions and Jesus says (as he did to Peter), "What is that to you? You must follow me."

176. journaling
177. work tonight
178. Aslan (and The Chronicles of Narnia in general. How did I manage to make it this far in life without reading them?)
179. reading late into the night
180. the poetry books I got at Half Price Books